In everyone’s lives, there comes the point in time where you look at yourself, literally or figuratively and know there is a better version somewhere out there. Some call it a resolution starting a new year with new intentions. It could be at a certain point in your life. Others may say they are affirming their lives and changes that are needed. While others look at themselves and say “I don’t like what I’ve let happen here. I can be better. I can do better. I can feel better.”
Regardless of where you’re looking from the reality is you want a better you, a healthier you, a sweeter or kinder you. Whether that is in the physical, the mental, the psychological or simply feeling better. Whatever you decide the journey to be, you start from where you are, moving to that point of where you need to be, something like this is not for the faint of heart.
Ending the Gregorian Calander with several issues piling on from mid-September different frustrations and challenges seemed to find me. Not shy to generously spend time with me. I found myself working through many things, from immobilising injuries keeping me from my daily life, routines and enjoyments, to business issues and the dreaded writer’s block.
One early Summer morning, I found myself sitting in the early hours, sipping a hot cup of green tea watching the sunrise over the horizon. My mind kept going in circles, pondering where the life-loving, bubbly, gentle soul had gone.
Somewhere along the line, I had lost … me.
At that moment, I knew that something needed to change. It is easy to follow the path everyone else has, its wide, well used, full of bad habits everyone condones. It’s effortless to be in this area, no one has to be held accountable for their bad choices and decisions made. Nor do they need to care about themselves or the effect they have on others around them.
The selfish highway of life seems to be fun, but it really is not. Its noise sounds like everyone is having a good time and the endless feel-good events never give you an opportunity for silence.
In the silence, you can hear your heartbeat, your soul speak, and your body tells you what it truly needs. It is in these times we can connect once more with ourselves.
Re-evaluate.
Re-think.
Re-design.
My early morning pondering made me realise I had not had the opportunity for any of this. If I didn’t like what I was looking at within myself, it was up to me to make the changes. It is up to me to look at my immediate world and craft it to what I desired and needed it to be.
Purpose bloomed. Instead of being frustrated and finding a crutch to get through it, it was time to throw the crutch away and define my way forward.
Firstly, when coming to a decision this monumental in your life, there are a few things you need to do.
One is, DO NOT PROCRASTINATE. Start the process of finding your way immediately.
Reaching over I picked up one of my ever-present notebooks. On the plus side of writing, you are never short of something to write on or with. Some girls buy shoes, Writers buy notebooks and stationery.
By the light of the rising sun, I jotted down everything I found a frustration, hinderance or something I needed to improve.
When doing something like this, take your time. Allow yourself to think, formulate expressions, notice and comprehend emotions and where they are coming from. Once you have the source, find the root and jot everything down, including what it is that makes you feel the way you do.
Recognise your crutches and examine and understand why you have them. Jot down the areas of your life where they are needed and what needs to be done for them to be unnecessary.
When the immediate task is done. Hug yourself. Love yourself and let you know that things will get better, that you will be able to work through all that is wrong to be a better version of who you presently are.
Make a list of daily rules.
- Be gentle on you.
- Love yourself unconditionally
- Accept yourself as you are … right now.
- Do not judge yourself.
- Live one day at a time.
- Live moment by moment to get through and address challenges.
- Speak to yourself daily. Tell yourself how beautiful/handsome you are. Tell yourself today is going to be a good day. Today you shall succeed in everything you do.
- Remind yourself this is a process and is obtainable.
- Rest and breathe. Disconnect from the world.
- If you fall, get up, dust yourself off and determine to do better tomorrow.
Looking at my pages of negative information I had written about myself, realisation slammed into me, leaving me breathless. My mission this year is to save myself from destruction.
In my writing genre, every mission needs a plan of execution to change the negative into a positive. Depending on the enormity of the task, the method of execution differed.
It was time.
Time to look at what needed to change in every area of my life and plan my mission in chewable daily bite-size chunks.
A sense of renewed life flowed through me. I held the power of change for my life in my hands. This was something I could control. Something I could define, mould and be proud of. No longer did I feel limited by another’s expectations of who I should be. No longer did I sense I needed to be someone else’s idea of perfection.
This journey, this mission of saving me was for me, by me and no one else had a say in anything I did on this road.
Stopping on that wide road of everyone being and doing whatever supposedly made them happy at that moment. I stepped to the pavement hailing a ride to the entrance where I lingered a while, looking around at what it was like not to conform, not to follow the crowd. It is much less noisy and crowded. Much less travelled.
There is no need to hurry anywhere. The false sense of “needing” to do something or be somewhere or always thinking that success is in as much as you do, or what you wear, or who you know, or what car you drive. All of that fell away. Leaving me to breathe, feel, think, be, and look around.
I have time. Time to decide what is best for me. What is it that I need to be the best, happier and more centred version of me?
What is needed for me to blossom into a more beautiful me?